The Lone(ly) Warrior

inspired by Psalm 56
Deborah Beach Giordano
© July 31, 2012

When I am afraid,
Gracious God,
I grow forgetful,
or …
must I confess?
In truth
my fears
make me faithless.
My ego rises
unblushingly
to take the reins;
I turn away from You
and seek to win
the battle
alone.

When I am frightened:
All-Compassionate One,
I arm myself
with ferocity,
encase myself
in cynicism
and shield myself
with distrust,
a hardened heart
and a hostile
attitude.

I throw myself
into the fray,
pursuing the goals
I’ve been told
to admire;
striving
for success
as defined
by the degree
of envy
it inspires;
the rules skewed
so only
the wicked
can win.

Unwilling to admit
defeat,
dazzled
by smoke
and glitter;
I fight
against
a faceless,
nameless,
inexhaustible foe.

Bashed and battered
from the unending
struggle,
my soul gashed
my body weak,
I fall exhausted
upon my knees,
finally returning
to my senses –
and to You,
Tower of Strength,
Source of Life;
You alone
hold the answer;
You alone
can save.

Finally
I remember…..
the Purpose –
my purpose –
is not to overcome
evil with evil;
the point
is not
to be the meanest,
merciless,
most unfeeling
being
in Creation;

And You are there,
Faithful One,
despite it all,
waiting patiently
throughout the days,
arms outstretched
to welcome
Your weary child,
recognizing me
beneath the muck and mire,
seeing the good,
the yearning for restoration
beneath the flawed facade.

It’s easy to forget:
to be caught up
in the inhuman race;
proving oneself
as the fittest survivor
of the alligator pit,
the fiercest predator
in the concrete jungle,
as cold
and uncaring
as a snake.

But you made me
a person –
not a reptile,
you wrapped me
in soft skin,
that I might be gentle,
my purpose
is not to devour,
but to nourish,
to encourage
and not to wound;
to build up
Your eternal community,
not tear down others
in endless competition;
I am to bless
and not to curse.

So here I am, Lord,
home at last
recovering
from my wounds,
my hope restored,
my heart healing;

I’m here to praise You,
o my Beloved,
with shouts of thanksgiving,
my spirit sings
Your Name out loud;
because of You
I have my life,
because of You
my soul
is free.

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About inklingscommunity

I am a struggling Christian, committed pacifist, near-obsessive recycler, incurable animal lover, inveterate tree-hugger; a nature mystic, a socialized introvert, an advocate for the vulnerable, an opponent of exploiters.
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