The Caregiver’s Prayer

The Caregiver’s Prayer

Deborah Beach Giordano
© June 11, 2010

Oh my God,
I sure hope You can hear me.
It isn’t like people think:
there isn’t anything grand
or ennobling
or spiritually enriching
going on.

This struggle doesn’t make me
a better person,
an extraordinary character,
a hero to point to with pride.

I’m just me:
the person I’ve always been,
with the same weaknesses
– and strengths;
the same likes
and dislikes;
the same needs
and desires;
facing the troubles
I’ve faced before

only now there are more of them.

It’s even harder
somedays
when people call me
an angel,
exceptionally loving,
courageous,
strong,
and responsible;

it’s like living a lie.

I haven’t become a saint;
and I don’t want
to be a martyr;
but I’d be lying
if I said I wasn’t tired –
to the core of my being:
my muscles ache,
my nerves are on edge,
my thoughts are scattered,
I don’t have the strength
to cry;

and I’m tired of pretending.

I am exhausted;
bereft of courage,
faith, and belief;
unable to fake
another cheerful smile;
not sure
if I can make it through
one more day.

I feel like smoke from a fire:
the best of me has burned up;
the slightest wind
could blow me away.

O my God, I need to hear You
beneath the humming fear,
I need to feel You
deep within my bones,
loving Friend,
speak Your sustaining Word to me.

Amen

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About inklingscommunity

I am a struggling Christian, committed pacifist, near-obsessive recycler, incurable animal lover, inveterate tree-hugger; a nature mystic, a socialized introvert, an advocate for the vulnerable, an opponent of exploiters.
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