Abandonment

A Sense of Abandonment

Deborah Beach Giordano
© October 22, 2009

Hey, God, I’m talking here!
Are You there? Hello?
Anybody listening?

You’ve been there for me
in days gone by,
and seen me through
some rough patches.

I just wonder
if You’ve given up on me,
because it’s been awful quiet,
and I’m feeling sad
and lonely.

I remember
times when I thought
I was all alone;
that no one cared,
no one understood,
no one listened.

And I sat there, like Job
scratching his scaly old body
with a piece of broken pottery;
feeling sorry for myself
exiled to a junk heap
of my own devising.

And I waited,
and wondered,
when You would show up
and do something
to make everything
all better;

like a genie in a bottle
or a velvet-robed wizard,
and wave Your magic wand
to right every wrong
punish every evildoer,
and reward those who do good – like me.

But then I got to thinking
about how my life has been;
the joys and the sorrows,
successes and messes,
moments of courage and of cowardice,
the challenges and complications
and cakewalks.

And I realized
in a brilliant flash
of hindsight
that You never left my side;
though I was certain,
then,
that You had fled.

Isn’t it funny, God;
Isn’t it sad?
that we project upon You
the worst in ourselves:
vengeance,
vindictiveness,
hatred, and violence.

When times are hard
we assume that You
will fly the coop,
will flee the foe,
will run for higher ground,
abandoning what is difficult,
preferring ease and comfort.

It is an achingly painful truth
that life is rarely perfect,
ugly troubles often stalk us,
we feel lost, lonely, and sad,
and situations that surround us
seem to go from bad
to worse.

Then we’ve been known to travel
distressingly faulty paths –
trying to engineer our own escape:
seeking a quick and easy exit –
which lead us only deeper
into dark, dank woods
of confusion, fear, and sorrow.

We would certainly run away
if only we could –
so of course we assume
that You would, too.
Besides, we can’t hear Your voice –
but then we can’t hear anything
above our own frustrated shouting.

If only we could walk above
the stormy seas for just a moment,
if only we would do
as the Psalmists advised:
be still, and listen;
be calm, my heart,
and take shelter in the Lord.

The people of long-ago
were right to understand
Your aspect as Great Warrior,
fearless, strong, and brave;
steadfast in the fiercest battle,
unwilling to retreat
and refusing to surrender.

It isn’t magic,
not as such,
that You bring into my life;
but a deep and limitless loyalty,
abundant peace and grace,
forgiveness and compassion,
and a love that will not die.

So, yes, now I get it,
You unreasonably persistent
Lover of my soul,
You are here and there
and everywhere I am –
not as a magic Mr. Fix-It, but
as the One Who Never Leaves.

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About inklingscommunity

I am a struggling Christian, committed pacifist, near-obsessive recycler, incurable animal lover, inveterate tree-hugger; a nature mystic, a socialized introvert, an advocate for the vulnerable, an opponent of exploiters.
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